Damn

There hovering, so close, yet so distant with this far away look in her eyes.  Not like she wasn't here exactly, more like she knew exactly where she was, but would have rather have been anywhere else.  The lamplight making the short hairs glow on her hips as she leaned forward allowing me access to further my tender caress only hoping to ignite within her the flame that flickered as if to die inside me.  It once burned so hot and bright but now I am barely warmed by it.  I quickly grew bored and sad at this beautiful waste of God given perfection that is still....hovering,  teasing me with the warmth of our bare skin brushing.  I have a weak moment and think about going for it, knowing it would be mine, but withstand.  I would rather not use.  The far away look would just gain a few more sparkles until it was most likely blocked completely with a need for completion.  I never knew why or where it was she went, I just new it wasn't here with me.  And wherever it was, it wasn't a happy place.  I felt responsible now, like I had created it or at least hadn't saved her from it. It was overdue this saving, my subconscious intention most likely.  Having thought nothing positive from the start. Already running out of words for failure.  We lean on crutches so as not to be forced to walk.  Forever leaning sideways, forever stumbling through the dark.  Unhappy, no.  Feined happiness, most definitely.  We are good in public, people like us, at home borish nothing provoking in the least.  No thoughts of the future, no regrets from the past, just solemn time washing us over and smoothing us to accept the dread fate that is our future together.  A total income of sixty thousand dollars if were lucky, peice of shit cars, and still renting with two kids.